I caught Myself before I died
by becca-sammy
Summary: Bella has moved on from Edward or at least is still trying she’s 21 and working at a bar in Seattle when Edward, Jasper and Emmet walk in one day for a drink. How will things turn out? I own nothing of Twilight it all belongs to SM
1. The bar

1: The bar: BPOV

Edwards' cold body pressed against mine, kissing me all over leaving me feeling all tingly, we were lying on my queen sized bed in my apartment and it seemed like the whole world had disappeared and we were the only two people left or I was the only person left and he was the only vampire left.

"Bella, I love you so much" he whispered in my ear, in his soft velvet voice and bit softly on my earlobe.

"I love you too, and I always will" I said much louder and smiled Edward moved his lips too mine kissing me so passionately I thought I could hear my heart miss a beat. After years of being together my heart still had its same reaction to Edward either missing beats or growing much louder and faster.

"I will always be here for you until the end of time" he whispered to me between kisses his hand moved down my shirt until his hand had slipped under my coral blue shirt, onto my warm skin moving his hand inside of my shirt Edward kept moving his hand up until his cold hard hand was on my right breast the fabric of my bra was the only thing separating Edward from my hard breasts. Edward smiled an evil lust ridden smile and lifted my shirt up I pulled my arms above my head to make it easier for him to get my top off Edward flung my shirt across the room with barley a flick of the wrist and then put his hand on my hot back trying to find the clip of my bra. I knew that my bra was a front clip but it was fun to watch Edward try and find the clip and have him fail, his shaggy gold-ish brown hair fell into his eyes as he growled at himself I couldn't help but laugh at this it was just to amusing not to.

"This is _so_ not funny Bella, where the hell is the clip?" Edward said sounding very serious which made me laugh even more.

"It's a front clip not a back" I laughed as Edward lifted his body off mine to be able to see what I was talking about and unfasten my bra.

"Oh right" he grumbled as he laughed a little at himself as he undid the clip kissing in between my breasts.

I closed my eyes I couldn't bear to look as he saw my hard breasts for the first time what if he thought they were funny looking or to small? Was all I could think about.

Edward let out a small gasp as he saw my breasts and kissed them "you're so beautiful" Edward whispered and I let out a small sigh as he placed both him hands on my breasts giving them a gentle squeeze.

BEEP. BEEP.

BEEP. BEEP.

Aggh I had been dreaming of Edward… again. He had never come back once he had left me in the forest in Forks I was still alone… and unloved. I turned off my alarm clock which had been making the horrible beep noise and sat up in bed the sheets falling off of me to reveal my naked chest I had stopped wearing pajamas when I had left Forks after high school and moved into my small apartment here in Seattle now I just wore a pair of undies. After all now there was no need to cover up seeing how no one watched me sleep anymore or even slept with me. I reached into my wooden draw next to my bed and grabbed a plain black 10 C bra out and put it on making sure it was a back clip.

Having dreams about the man that I still loved wasn't unusual they happened five out of seven nights a week but they still rattled me it had been 3 years since that day in the forest I was now 21 and working at a bar named Dracula's. I knew how ironic it was working there, after going out with a vampire and now working at a bar named after a famous vampire I was often reminded how funny that was by my best friend Jacob whenever he, Quil and Embry came to visit who were also werewolves. But something that they didn't know is that the bar also serves vegetarian vampires animal blood with whiskey in it the humans that came in had no idea that they existed and they were never in danger.

I looked over at my clock the time said 5:30 pm I had an hour to get ready for work. Since working at Dracula's I had been having the occasional nap in the afternoon so that I could catch up on my sleep that I had been missing for the week. I got out of bed un-wanting to a few minutes later, and walked over to my closet it was bound to be a cold day seeing how it was Seattle. So I grabbed my work shirt which was just a black shirt that had bite marks on the collar and had Dracula's written in white across my chest and then I grabbed my leather pants and shoved them on and put my 2 inch black boots on over the top of the pants. I didn't add any jewelry to my outfit I just had my usual sleeper earrings and black watch. I walked into my bathroom and had a look in the mirror I still looked the same as I had years ago except that now I was more curvy and had longer hair which at the moment looked like a haystack so I quickly brushed my hair and then my teeth I kept my hair down and quickly straightened it.

Once done I walked into the kitchen and dining room area of my apartment and grabbed my leather jacket, keys and my helmet then walked out of there to the parking area down stairs. When I got to the parking lot I sighed at my beautiful black 200 Indian motorbike, put on my helmet and straddled the bike then put it in gear and with another quick sigh I took off for my 15 minute drive to work.

XXXXXX

As I pulled into the parking lot at work I felt a chill run down my spine as if something big was about to happen, I sighed and shook off the feeling, nothing big ever happened to me not since Victoria tried to kill me 3 years ago or Riley the year after that. But Jacob and the other werewolves had killed her before she could kill me although I had been left with a scar running from my belly to my hip; the cut had been made by the shape edge of Victoria's knife. So I simply just walked inside.

"Hey Bella how's it going?" my friend Cassie asked me as I walked behind the counter and gave her a hug.

"It's going fine thanks what about you?" I smiled.

"The usual" she smiled back "I'm having a party tonight after my shift do you wanna join?" Cassie smiled at me.

"I can't sorry, I'm catching up with some friends after work" I replied wishing I could go, Cassie's parties were always awesome.

"Aww that sounds fun… next time you're coming to my party though." She laughed "we should get to work before Kyle yells at us for talking" she finished.

"Yeah you're right" I said and walked to the other side of the counter laughing.

The next three hours went by really quickly serving customers and two guys gave me there phone numbers which I automatically threw in the bin. I was use to getting guys numbers by now. "Hey doll could I get a draught" an old man asked me.

"Sure can or glass?" I asked politely.

"Can's fine how much?" he asked getting out his wallet.

"4 bucks" I smiled and gave him his beer.

I started wiping down the counter when 3 guys came in laughing and sat down in one of the booths they looked so familiar but I was too far back to be able to see them properly so I walked over to the booth watching my feet to make sure that I didn't fall over.

"Ok so what will it be?" I asked the men lifting my head so that I could see them. HOLY SHIT it was Edward, Jasper and Emmett my mouth must have nearly hit the floor with shock I thought I was never going to see them again. Edward was in front of me all gorgeous and the same as he had looked 3 years ago obviously seeing how vampires didn't age. But seeing him again brought back all the pain I had felt three years ago I just wanted to crawl into a ball and cry. It was like being stabbed instant pain washed over me.

"Bella?" Edward chocked out sounding as surprised as I felt, all I could do was nod I was too afraid that I would start crying otherwise, all kinds of emotions washed over me. Love. Anger. Betrayal. Pain. And lastly the emotion that surprised me the most and the emotion that was only for Edward, hatred.

"Oh my god it's so good to see you" Emmett said now standing up and gave me a hug.

"You too Emmett" I smiled fully embracing the hug and to Emmett I meant it, it was nice to see him and Jasper but Edward not so much which surprised me I had always wanted to see Edward again but now that I did I just wanted to run away or scream and cause him the same pain that he had inflicted on me.

"Hey Bella" Jasper said giving me a hug.

"Hey Jasper it's good to see you" I smiled again loving the hug

"Bella" was the next voice that I heard it was Edwards velvet and gorgeous voice but I was so angry at him how could he of just left me? In the forest? No him I would also show my feelings to I'll just ignore him like he has ignored me for the last 3 years.

"So what are you guys doing here?" I asked not answering Edward or looking at him.

"Where going to school here" Emmett replied now sitting down still smiling.

"As in high school?" I asked trying not to smile.

"No collage" Edward said I could feel his gaze on me but I would not look at him I kept telling myself.

"Sweet! So anyways what do you guys want to drink? We have mountain lion with tequila or whiskey or we have black bear with the same" I asked casually I had asked the question so many times before that it was like second nature. The boys all looked at me shocked they probably still thought that seeing blood made me pass out or just really weak but I had gotten use to it by now with all the times that I had been cut accidentally or by someone else. It took them all a second to look as if they had remembered how to think and then they talked over which drink they wanted.

"Mountain lion with tequila sounds perfect" Jasper smiled. Tequila good man I could use some of that stuff now.

"Ok I'll be back in a second with your drinks" I smiled at Emmett and Jasper then walked away.

As I was walking I heard Emmett say behind me "Edward you just got rejected" and laughed, but me? No. I didn't find that funny at all after all it had been me that had been rejected all those years ago. Not him. I choked back tears and kept walking.

I walked back behind the bar finding the jar that contained mountain lion and poured them a big jug to share and then put around ¾ of a cup of tequila in the jug. I put the jug and three cups on a tray about to take it out when I looked down at the third cup and smiled I took it off the tray and poured around half a glass of mountain lion blood into it and then diluted it with water. I sure as hell wasn't about to have Edward drinking in a bar after all he is under age I smiled an evil smile and walked back to them.

"Thanks Bella I really needed a drink" Emmett smiled that makes two of us I thought as I put the jug and two glasses down in front of him and Jasper.

"No problem" I smiled back and gave Edward his drink.

"Thanks" I heard Edward mumble and take a sip of his drink. He spat it out all over Emmett who didn't seem to mind but just gave a, what the? Look to his brother.

"Ugh it's got water in it" He said, shocked and looked at me.

"Well what did you expect you're a minor" I smiled and heard Emmett and Jasper laughing.

"I'm 112 years old I'm not a minor!" Edward hissed I finally allowed myself to look at him.

"True but you're stuck in the body of a seventeen year old so you're a minor" I smiled and walked away hearing Emmett and Jasper burst into laughter and I couldn't help but laugh also but there was also this feeling in my stomach telling me to turn around and give Edward a kiss and fall into his arms and see what he would do about it. And then another felling telling me to walk back to him and punch him, but I knew the only thing that would come from that was a broken hand… mine. Because no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop loving Edward, I just couldn't. But at that moment it wasn't just love that I felt for Edward it was also hate. I had even tried dating Jake for a while but he just wasn't Edward, we had even had sex but that had just been uncomfortable and I had cried most of the way through it. After the sex incident Jake and I had decided just to be friends because I couldn't give him what he needed. I couldn't love him that way I had always loved him but only as a friend.

"Bella hello? You in there?" I heard a velvet voice ask me it was Edward.

"What?!" I almost hissed at him I was not going to be the nice little shy Bella that I once was I had changed, I had taken self defense classes after high school had finished and I now was not defenseless or weak or shy and most of the time I wasn't all that nice.

"I was hoping that we could talk" Edward said keeping perfectly calm. How can he be so calm? I wondered does he not care at all?

I looked down at my watch to find that the time was 11pm work was over for me and I had to meet Jacob and his mates.

"Well we can't for three reasons one: my shifts over and I have to go and meet friends two: I don't wanna hear whatever you have to say and three: just being around you is making me want to punch something and I don't wanna hurt my hand by punching you so bye" I said trying to keep calm as I grabbed my helmet and put my leather jacket on and started walking outside but Edward followed me.

"Bella listen I am so sorry that I hurt you I never meant to--" Edward started but hell no was I going to hear him talk about anything he didn't deserve it I loved him so much and he left.

"NO! Ok I don't care if you're sorry you left me in the forest. You broke my heart, hell it's still broken. And I'm trying so hard to be strong but I wake up in the morning wondering if I live in hell because my angel left me three years ago in the forest. I was a walking zombie for months after you left, life didn't seem worth living so don't tell me you're sorry when you left me. I guess love doesn't last for eternity when you're a vampire after all!!!!" I yelled tears now filling my eyes that I could barely see Edward but no way was I going to cry in front of him I'll break down later I thought.

"Bella I never wanted to hurt you I just thought that life would be better for you if you didn't have a vampire boyfriend but that doesn't mean that it didn't hurt to leave you it hurts every day that I don't get to see you" Edward chocked his eyes were filled with all kinds of emotions but I didn't look deep enough to see what they were.

"Life was not better Edward" I hissed "and it sure as hell wasn't safer but you don't get to hear it you don't deserve to know how life was after you left, hell I don't even know how you could leave me and now three years later say 'oh I left because I thought it was safer' me and me alone gets to decide what is and what isn't safe for me. And besides if you wanted to see me every day why the hell did you leave me" I yelled and walked over to my bike.

"I'm so sorry I wish that I could take it back I missed you so much" Edward whispered taking a step towards me and instantly I took as step away I didn't want to feel his breath on me if I did I would give in and kiss him.

"Well you can't take it back Edward Cullen so move on like I've been trying to do for the last three years and now it's none of your business what I do with my life if I die its none of your business if I get pregnant it's not of your business or if get eaten by a vampire its none of your business just like you wanted" I said and straddled my bike.

"That was not what I wanted and what the hell are you doing?!" Edward nearly yelled at me.

"I'm going home to change what do you think I'm doing?" I hissed he was getting on my last nerves.

"You so aren't driving a death-trap you could get killed" Edward said with a look of fear in his eyes.

"I've nearly died 5 times in the last three years and a motorbike hasn't been the cause of any of those near death experiences" I whispered and rode off into the night.


	2. SO much rage

2: So much rage: EPOV

It felt like my body might explode from rage and fear how could she ride a motorbike after she promised me that she would keep out of danger that she would keep herself safe? No this was anything but keeping herself safe, with her clumsiness Bella was likely to fall off of that death-trap soon. But I wouldn't let that happen I had to keep her safe I would not let her hurt herself. I still loved her I had never stopped and to have Bella yelling at me that it was none of my business how she lived was heartbreaking. But she didn't know, she didn't know that I still loved her that I had never stopped loving her or that I had lied that day in the forest. I hadn't left because I didn't want Bella, she was all I had ever wanted, I had left because I was afraid that Bella would die if I stayed with her and I couldn't bear to know that I was living in a world where Bella was not, because a world without Bella would be a lesser world so I left so that hopefully Bella would get to live a safe long life.

But now I saw that safe was not how Bella planed on living so I would stay near her hopefully in her life if she could ever forgive me but why would she? I had broken her heart the last thing in the world I had ever wanted to do. And now it was my job to repair what I had broken I would make her whole again if it was the last thing I ever did. I would earn back Bella's trust and love and this time I would not break her heart I would give her whatever she wanted including vampirism if that is still what she wants. I'll give her the world if she will let me, Bella will know true love again I will not leave her unless that's what Bella wants.

"Yo man" Emmett said to me knocking me out of my train of thought.

"What" I nearly growled I was still mad but now I was mostly scared for Bella's safety.

"So Bella's changed huh?" Emmett smiled _I'm glad I got to see her__again_ he thought.

"Yes she has changed a lot she rides a motorbike now" I hissed.

"That's hot man and she was also wearing leather, dude she's hot" Emmett smiled Jasper and Emmett had always had a thing for girls in leather but they never told anyone except me mostly because Alice and Rosalie would growl at them Emse would give them a weird look saying _as if_ and Carlisle would give them a talk about treating girls right while having sex which neither of them wanted. The only reason I knew was because they had told me before I could read their minds and find out that way so they had decided to tell me before that could happen and have me tell the girls.

"She's a danger magnet and she's always been beautiful" I corrected my brother.

"I know but dude she was wearing leather! You so can't say that it didn't make your downstairs brain jump a million miles in the air" Emmett exclaimed

"Not the point" I couldn't help but smile after all he was right the pants were so hot and tight on Bella it was hard to stay in control of my actions and not walk over to her kiss her senseless and rip that gorgeous leather off her gorgeous body.

"Emmett has a point man, she was smoking hot in those pants and besides she has always been a danger magnet" Jasper smiled and Emmett gave him a high five while I glared at them. For someone so old they could be so _young_!

"I know that but on a motorbike there's even more chance that she'll be hurt" I hissed and instantly felt Jasper calm me down with his power.

"Well she's done fine so far I mean she's an independent beautiful woman isn't that why you left her so she could become a woman? And grow old?" Jasper asked

"Yes and so that she would be _safe _and not be in danger" I frowned at my words realizing how stupid they sounded Bella was never safe she wasn't even safe from herself with the way she was always falling over.

"Dude that's the most stupid thing you've ever said and I've heard you say some really stupid things over the decades Bella's never safe like you said she's a danger magnet!" Emmett nearly yelled.

"I know that more now than ever" I whispered knowing that they could hear me.

"What do you mean?" Jasper asked sounding concerned and it showed in his eyes.

"Something Bella said she said 'I've nearly died 5 times in the last three years' I wanna know what she was talking about" I said trying to figure it out.

"Did she tell you how?" Emmett whispered _she didn't mean like, um, suicide did she?_ He thought frowning he hated the thought of Bella hurting herself, Emmett had always loved Bella like a sister and that thought was tearing him up.

"NO!" I yelled "at least I don't think so" I whispered I had to know what she meant.

Jasper gave Emmett a strange look wondering what he had just thought and I heard Emmett whisper "suicide" to Jasper _oh that explains the yelling but she wouldn't as if he had to ask that what an idiot!_ He thought.

"I gotta go I'll see you guys later" I said and walked off.

"Where you going?" I heard Emmett ask.

"To Bella" I replied and ran at human speed the rest of the way trying to track Bella's scent.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

It took around 45 minutes to track Bella's scent back to her apartment I kept smelling her scent going in the other direction just to find out it was from a couple of days ago when she must of gone to the supermarket. Bella lived on the fourth floor of her building her apartment was a box how could she breathe in here? It's so tiny. But at the same time it was so much like Bella clean and tidy. Bella didn't have many personal items but she had always been that way, there were a few pictures of her with her mum and dad and then there was one with her and three males who I did not recognize and there was one with the girl that I had seen it the bar. Bella also had a few candles around the place and books and cd's scattered here and there. I knew Bella had plans tonight so I decided that I would wait for her in her bedroom. I sat down on her bed inhaling her sweet scent I wanted this scent to stay with me forever and never again could I live without it, she was my drug again and I would not starve myself of it any longer. I loved her to much to be able to leave her again.


	3. What the?

3: What the…? : BPOV

"Really Jake I'm fine just a bit tired I'll see you soon" I told Jacob as he dropped me home later that night, he always just dropped me off he never walked me to my door which I liked it was easier for him than having to find a park just for 5 minutes to walk me up four flights of stairs.

"Bye Bella sweet dreams" Jake smiled and gave me a hug.

"Thanks Jake you too" I smiled and got out of the car.

It only took me 3 minutes to walk up the four flights of stairs to my room I opened the door and dumped my jacket and keys on the dining room table. I took off my shirt exposing my black bra and walked into my bedroom chucking my shirt on the floor and putting my hair into a ponytail. I didn't look at my bed as I sat on the end of it taking off my shoes.

"Bella are you trying to give me a heart attack" I heard Edward laugh behind me.

My automatic reaction was to hit whoever was behind me but I knew who it was so I just turned around.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" I hissed at Edward forgetting what I was wearing or lack of wearing.

"I wanted to make sure you got home safely" Edward said staring at my chest forcing me to look down and see my bra and breasts that filled my bra.

"Oh ok then well I'm home safe you can leave then" I said disappointed and kind of mad that I was disappointed looking for a top to put on I found a brown singlet in the top draw next to my bed and put it on.

"I, um also wanted to tell you something" Edward stumbled on his words which shocked me he always seemed perfectly calm.

"Ok well then tell me" I said wanting desperately to know what he wanted to say _did he still love me? No impossible and who cared? He left me the idiot!_ I thought.

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm not leaving you again I mean I'm staying in Seattle and I want to keep you safe and fix the mistake I made all those years ago" Edward told me looking straight into my eyes without blinking.

"And which mistake is that?" I asked trying not to get my hopes up no he didn't love me maybe he never did.

"Leaving you. It was the stupidest thing I've ever done and in all my years and I've done some pretty stupid things" Edward said moving closer to me. No he wasn't about to kiss me he didn't love me. He left me broken and betrayed.

"Well to bad, you left me… in the fucking woods!!!" I yelled "Your damn right it's the stupidest thing you've ever done and now you get to live with the consequences" no, no way he broke my heart and now he thinks he can just walk back into my life with an "I'm sorry" well fuck that!!

"Bella I…" he started in his soothing voice.

"Don't even try it, don't even try to say you're sorry or that you didn't mean to hurt me because what did you expect!!! The love of my life left me the god damn woods I think that would fuck up anyone!!" I yelled the neighbors could probably hear me but I didn't care.

"If I could go back I would I wish I had never left, Bella, you're the best thing that ever happened to me always have been, always will be" he choked out for the first time Edward sounded like he was going to cry.

"Well to bad you did leave, you ruined my life when you left and now you have the rest of eternity to know that" I said breathing heavily from all the screaming tears now ran hot down my face but I barely noticed.

"No I..." Edward started.

"Get out" I whispered interrupting him.

"Bella…"

"GET OUT" I screamed making Edwards facial expression a hurt pained one but he didn't argue, he just walked over to the door but before he left, he simply said.

"Im not leaving, I'll always watch out for you. Because I still love you and that I'll never stop doing, for the rest of eternity" and then he left leaving the door open. I ran to it slamming the door and finally let my feelings show. But I re-opened the door and yelled at him.

"Then why did you do it?" I yelled sobbing.

"I thought you would be better off without me, that you would die if I stayed and I didn't want your death to be because of me" he said the next instant back in my room he lowered his eyes as if ashamed or fearful.

"Well it's not up to you to make my decisions for me I am not better off without you that alone nearly killed me" I whispered hoping that Edward would kiss me. I was so confused a minute ago I wanted him to leave but the moment I had all I wanted was to have him back. He was confusing me so much.

"I know and I'm sorry I just never want you in danger I care about you too much" Edward whispered moving his face closer to mine.

"Well from now on how much danger I'm in is my decision not yours" I said smiling.

"Ok but I can't say that I won't get you out of something that I think is too dangerous for you" Edward smiled back and took a breath in. His face changed in that second from nice and caring to pissed off.

"WEREWOLVES you've been hanging out with werewolves!!!!!!!!" Edward yelled at me now standing up as if his anger needed to be completely through him so I stood up to.

Anger automatically surged through me and I retaliated "who else was going to protect me once you abandoned me!" I yelled knowing that, that comment was below the belt but I didn't care just like Edward hadn't cared that Victoria was still alive when he left me.

"PROTECT YOU! There dangerous mutts how else did you get that cut on your chest???" he was fuming absolutely pissed off.

"VICTORIA" I yelled so loud I thought that the neighbors might hear.

Edward hissed at the name but sat down on my bed and covered his face with his hands "what?" he said much softer.

"She came back with Laurent to kill me seeing how you guys killed James so she figured a mate for a mate; you know to even the score. But then when she saw that you weren't here she decided that they hadn't gone all this way for nothing and attacked but Jacob and his friends killed them and then they killed the army of vampires that came to kill me after that. You see Victoria had created an army because she thought it was the only way that she could get passed all the Cullen's and to me. But her attack wasn't a complete waste I did end up in the hospital with blood loss but that was the worse of the damage to me" I told Edward and sat down next to him.

"Bella I'm so sorry I never should of left" Edward said sounding like he was going to cry.

"It's fine I mean I didn't die so it's all good but you are right about one thing" I said putting my hand on his shoulder the cold automatically made me shiver not being use to the cold anymore but I liked it just like I always had.

"What's that?" Edward asked sounding curious and lifted his head out of his hands so that he could look me straight in the eyes.

"You never should of left" I said in a duh voice.

"Well I'm not going anywhere this time I don't think I could survive it" Edward whispered.

I couldn't help but laugh a vampire couldn't survive a bad break up now that's hilarious "I'm sure you'd be fine" I whispered.

"I don't think so I barely survived leaving you the first time" Edward said looking straight at me with a look of sorrow in his eyes.

"Sounds familiar" I replied thinking about how I had been once he had left all I had done was study I stopped hanging out with my friends and just became a zombie that was good at school.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you I just don't want you to get hurt" Edward said bowing his head.

"It's ok but they would never hurt me" I said putting my hand on Edwards chin to push his head up so that I could see his gorgeous topaz eyes.

"But Bella they are designed to kill vampires you must realize how sharp that makes their teeth and claws" Edward frowned as if imagining what he was saying.

"I know that but I also know them and they would never hurt me you just have to trust me on that" I smiled.

"I do trust you but trusting your judgment is another thing altogether" Edward smiled.

"Well they haven't hurt me in the 2 and ½ years that I've known them so I think that there track record is better than yours" I laughed. But Edward didn't find my joke funny at all it seemed to hurt him "sorry" I muttered knowing that he could hear me.

"It's ok not like I didn't deserve it" Edward sighed a look of pain crossed over his face and instantly I wanted to get rid of it screw being mad at him for leaving I mean he said that he was staying so why not enjoy having the only man I have ever loved, back?

"No you didn't you were just trying to do what you thought was right, you didn't know any better" I smiled putting my hand on Edwards back feeling the coldness of his skin through his light shirt. Edward automatically looked over at me and gave me a smile, my favourite crooked smile of his it still made my heart leap in the air. After all this time I still loved him but that didn't mean that I was going to tell him that anytime soon after all the love I felt for him was 3 years old maybe my love would grow for him even more. Or be shattered all over again.

Before I knew what was happening Edward had leant over and planted his lips over mine the kiss wasn't careful like they use to be this one was being run with passion and lust and I liked it, Edward tangled his hand in my hair pulling me forward to deepen the kiss. I lightly traced my tongue over his bottom lip begging for entrance, which Edward without hesitation gave to me, he opened his mouth meeting my tongue halfway. Edward put his other hand on the small of my back lightly digging his nails into my back causing me to moan in his mouth which Edward lightly laughed at taking his lips off of mine.

"Shut up and kiss me" I smiled and hit my lips to his with so much force I was sure I was going to have a bruise on my upper lip tomorrow but I didn't care because even if it was only for this instance but Edward wanted me and I wanted him. Edward wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me onto him until I was straddling his hips and could feel his erection bulging under me begging for attention. I moved my hand down over the bulge in his jeans and squeezed making Edward moan before unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans Edward getting the idea stood up so that I could slide off his pants without stopping kisses. His pants fell to the floor with his boxers; I broke away from the kiss to take in the sigh. He was even bigger than I could ever have guessed _would he fit? _ A huge smile spread across my face as I looked down at his (what looked like it) throbbing erection.

"What are you smiling at? Come here!" Edward smiled and put his hand on my back dragging me closer into a kiss. I was awe struck at Edwards size but couldn't wait for him to be inside of me. I wanted him like I had never wanted anyone else before, though that wasn't surprising as he had always been the vampire for me.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

I heard at the door, I pulled away from Edward, much to his protest and looked at the clock 3am who the hell could it be? I got off the bed and pulled Edwards top on Edward protested against my movement the whole time as I went to the door.

I opened it to find Jacob with a case of beer under his arm.

"Jacob, what are you doing here?" I asked trying to look really tired, like I had only just woken up.

"Well seeing how sad you looked tonight I thought you could use a little pick-me-up but I didn't guess that you'd be asleep I'll come back another time" he smiled.

"I'm fine really Jacob. Don't worry about me, but defiantly come back another time" I smiled and went to close the door when Jacob sniffed the air and I knew I was busted.

"Bella… what…" he said no more but barged into the apartment straight into my bed room.

"Jacob… no!" I yelled but he wouldn't listen and just stopped in the door way.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING HERE?" Jacob yelled pissed off.

"He's back… for good" I whispered "He realized he made a mistake and wanted me still". Well that sounded stupid!! What was I some school girl, man I hadn't realized what this would look like until I had spoken the words and I wanted to slap me.

"I always wanted you" Edward corrected me.

"Gee that makes fucking sense seeing how you abandoned her in the forest!" Jacob said fuming. Jacob was right what was I doing, Oh God.

"I did what I thought I had to. To protected her… From me and other vampires" Edward said in a calm voice. Well Edward has a point and he does always try to do the right thing, even if it'll hurt him in the process. God I was confused.

"Yeah she did need protection from you!!! You're a monster!! How could you leave someone you claimed to love in the forest without even calling her once to make sure she was ok. Yeah you totally loved her!" Jacob spat.

Was he right though? Why would Edward leave someone he loved even if he thought he was doing it to protect me?

"I was trying to make it a clean break for Bella and don't you tell me how I feel for her you dog!!" Edward was nearly shouting god what if the neighbors could hear?

"Shut up! Both of you!!!" I all but screamed astonished both Edward and Jacob fell quite and looked at me "Lower your voices or go outside its three in the morning and I'm not the only one that lives in this building you know" I finished much quieter.

"Sorry" both guys muttered looking at the floor.

"Now listen to me both of you" I glared at both of them "Edward made a mistake and Jacob before you said anything, don't worry he's not entirely forgiven yet, but I'm willing to work on it. And if either of you so much as EVER try to kill each other or have a yelling fit in my apartment in the early hours of the morning again I'll move away and never speak to either one of you ever again. Now GOT IT?!?!" I said fuming at them, God it was almost like they were 5 years old!

"Yes" and "Ok" came back to me as answers.

"Ok now Jacob, I was kinda in the middle of something with Edward so could you just call me tomorrow sometime?" I asked nice and calm.

"Sure" Jacob grumbled gave me a hug and muttered "Bye" before leaving.

"Bye Jake" I said as he closed the door.

Edward moved so fast that I barely saw him coming one minute he was by the door the next he had me in his arms hugging me like there was no tomorrow.

"Uhh Edward" I said as I pulled out of his arms "We gotta talk".

**I hope your enjoying this story please review. **


	4. Is this what heaven looks like?

Chapter 4: Is this what heaven looks like? Edward POV

I walked back to our new home thinking back to the conversation I had just had with Bella…

"Uhh Edward" God I loved Bella's voice it was the most amazing thing she thought my voice was like angels but hers well, hers put mine to shame I never not in a million years would have guessed her next words though "We gotta talk".

Who would have thought just three words could cause such dread?

"Yeah?" I said sad that Bella had removed herself from my arms there once was a time where she would have jump at the chance to have me hold her but now? Apparently not.

"Edward, Jacob's right or I don't know but you left me and I can't forget that, I can't pick up where we left off" her words gutted me one by one. But she was right, I was wishing for everything to be the same when obviously they couldn't be God I was such an idiot to think they could be.

"I mean, God, Edward, I cried for months over you ok? I thought I was going to die, hell I was dead on the inside for a long time" it was like she was verbally slapping me, I think I would have preferred a normal slap, that wouldn't hurt as much.

"So what do we do?" I asked my voice breaking half way through my sentence.

"I don't know, but I'm going to bed… alone. And you're going home. And I'll see you around ok?" Bella said I could smell salt in the air: tears. Bella was trying so hard not to cry, God this was all my fault.

"Ok" I walked over to the door "Bella what does this mean about us?" I asked half way through the door.

"I don't know" Bella whispered breaking my heart "we can't be living in the past as those two people we were three years ago" Bella chocked out.

"Goodnight Bella" I said and closed the door, man I had to get out of there, this was a nightmare. No worse, you can wake up from a nightmare but you can't run from reality…

And here I was now outside of my home dreading going inside Emmett and Jasper would have told the others about seeing Bella and they would all wanna know what happened. Pain and disaster that's what happened and I sure as hell didn't want to relive it, no way!!

I walked to the backyard and climbed into my room via the window who would have thought a 112 year old would climb through a window?

Once inside I closed my door and just sat on the floor as I didn't have a bed. I sat there for hours the sun came up and went down before I actually realized it was up. Meaning that Bella would be, maybe we could talk. It was 9pm when I walked out of the house and to Bella's apartment.

I didn't have a clue as to how things would go down but I just had to see her even if it was only for a minute, just to make sure that her Bella-ness hadn't killed her in the last 12 hours.

Knock. Knock.

I could her Bella inside walking to the door so she was obviously ok which was good. When she opened the door I was so shocked my jaw was just hanging there. Bella must have only just got out of the shower as she was just wrapped in a towel her long brown hair running wet down her back, god she looked gorgeous.

"Edward… ah… Hey" She smiled at me, the smile didn't quite reach her eyes though "come in" she gestured.

"Thanks Bella" I smiled back at her.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"Were going out if it's alright with you"

"Well… in that case I should put on some clothes" She smiled and turned away.


End file.
